breathe

lately i've forgotten
often

to breathe

stress of work and school,
and millions of deadlines,
events, papers, letters,
applications
to read, to meet, to revise,
to attend, to speak at.

and breathe.

Waking up before the sun
Resting after the sun

and breathe.

Coffee, coffee,
bagel,
Coffee, coffee,
meal on the go
Coffee, coffee,

and breathe.

Can't wait til mid-June
when school's out
work slows down

to breathe
the sun, green grass,
blue sky, my garden,
walks around the lake..

(sigh)

life w/o cable

since adopting the iphone,
we've had to let go of our cable.

no more hgtv creations
or travel destinations

i miss most my monday night
anthony bourdain marathon
his witty remarks
but truthful reflections
about the connection of
life, food, humanity.

but all is not lost,
tpt (public television) is helping with the
cooking itch on saturday
mornings, and my nainai
is quite content with her
options of curious georce,
super why, martha speaks,
sesame street, and sid the science
kid.

the iphone's not too bad
either. :-)

try

i dare you

try
juggling work, school, family, friends,
your feelings, your thoughts, your fears,
your hopes, your dreams,
and everyone's 2 cents
about who you are, what you look like,
what you think, what you feel, what and who
you should be, and always who still is better than
you.

try
understanding the physical, mental, emotional,
psychological pain, drain, slain that comes with being
a woman in this world, then

try
feeling the anger, disbelief, disappointment, disrespect,
that feeds the fire
that burns
the silent indifference, hate, injustice, oppression, depression,
that must change.

try
speaking, shouting, stating, standing, challenging,
being, leading, feeling, seeing, acknowledging,
empowering, supporting, dreaming, validating,
wishing, acting, educating, connecting, believing
in the possibilities
of justice
peace
love
hope
and truth.

i dare you,
to not give up.

an open letter to broken hearts

remember to breathe.

remember that we love you.

remember to love yourself.

i know that you're going through a hard time right now.

it's probably draining you emotionally, physically, and mentally..

but what will get you through this whole ordeal is..

yourself.

i can promise you that no matter what we say.. things in your life will never change until

you decide it.

i can tell you that during my darkest moments -- i had to believe and trust that

my life would be better.. that my heart would love again.. that i would smile, and eat,

and sleep again. the hard part is believing it - hope is what will get you through this.

it always suprises me when the universe turns around

and works hard at lining up the stars for me.

that's when things start to make sense..

when i realize that your life is truly in your hands.

you've got to trust yourself. and your life.

and know that your life still has many days, weeks, months, and years to live.

this is one "piece" .. one "story" .. of your life.. it does not define your life. you.

or him.

life happens the way it does - because it's trying to tell you something important.

sometimes, life shifts drastically because it needs you to realize that you've got to love yourself

first.

we never know what the future brings.. but i believe that if you do things right - the first time around - your life will rightly come. trust & believe.

.. do something nice for yourself today. take a walk. eat a piece of chocolate.

or cake. :-).. smile.. do something you wished you could have done - but haven't done.

here's a quote that gets me through hard times - i hope it'll speak to you too.

"life does not put things in front of you that you are unable to handle"

"the bird doesn't sing because it has an answer - it sings because it has a song."

.. believe. have courage.

spring pleasure

asparagus with charcoal grilled marks,
and caramelized onion strips
enveloped in baby leafs -
a spring mix
with light asian dressing of ginger
and sesame, toppled with
cherry tomatoes,
slices of fuji apples
and grilled chicken breast.

perfect spring day feast
sided with a tall glass of iced
water with a lemon ring.

cool breeze to air the warmth
of the sunrays
green grass pleasing the eyes
to soulfood of life.

sigh.

surroundings

lately, every corner has nestled an inspiration.

from the people i met and learned from at last week's maasu conference in ohio, to the daily remarks my 3 year old creates with new words and songs she hears, to the artists of the world who continue to nurture core beauty and truth, or the heart-filled projects that phillips scholars create and implement through the years, or the quotes from courageous justice seekers and fighters throughout history, the women who survived abuse to tell of its ugliness and their will to live despite of it, and when a quiet moment of rest allows, my heart is at peace listening to the sound of happy birds and dancing leaves, as the sunny rays warm the grass under my feet.

joy of life.

autumn and its concerto

(sigh)

yes, i am one of those asian dramas fans - but do not call me crazy or laugh at me until you experience a full asian drama series yourself.

my journey innocently started with the "meteor garden" series several years ago and my admiration for f4 as well as meteor garden (a story of friendship, love, sacrifices, and courage all wrapped up in 30+ episodes) inspired me to look more into this new discovery.

i was actually surprised at how much i was learning about relationships throughout the meteor garden series, about the sacrifices you make when you love someone - many aha moments & powerful revelations about my own definition of love and the relationships in my life. it was bizarre to gain so many insights that were candid and real, from a drama series. trust me - i never intended for this journey to take off the way it did.

through the years, my loyalty to my favorite f4 member, vic zhou, led to the following series:

*mars
*silence
*wish to see you again
*black and white

but honestly, nothing ever measured up to meteor garden.

until the recent infamous drama series starring vanness wu (another f4 member) - "autumn's concerto" - this drama reset the bar for asian drama series as we know it. its ratings grew past predictions every week; the fans became international; and the stars went from being almost unknown (and under-appreciated) to top-requested red-carpet star status overnight.

autumn's concerto (or AC to its fans) is a brilliant drama with a beautifully written script, amazing & heartfelt storyline, a powerful cast of talented actors/actresses - the soundtrack just adds on to this emotional masterpiece. i think vanness has became my new favorite f4 - his acting was superb!


autumn's concerto revived my love for dramas and i am having a hard time with the withdrawal now that the series ended. so if you find another drama that is filled with lessons for the heart, please let me know. :)

a haiku gift

a text from love:

look out see green grass
the earth turns around again
earth's answer to life

le moulin

listening to: le moulin by yann tiersen

soul music

remisnicing of

morning sunwalks

to the patisserie van,

sipping on hot cocoa in a bowl,

warm croissants,

homemade crepes,

filled with jam,

and nutella.

reminiscing of

sibling fights,

dog chases,

sandcovered traps,

ghost stories

and dreams,

dark basement cages,

tennis balls in the

cemetery,

the lighted cabin

in the woods,

grandpa's swing,

and sunday meals

as the sun dived down

to the horizon.

sublime peace

memories of

waiting for dad,

after work in the park,

hills filled with treasures,

and imagination.

visiting our vegetable garden in the

middle of downtown,

a riverstream swam through it.

forbidden walks by the railroads,

by a field of coquelicots,

finding dead snakes

and fresh raspberries.

saturday morning market,

roasted chicken for lunch,

summer soccer tournaments,

evening parties in the audiorium,

kids running,

my father hosting.

safe haven

trusting neighbors with children

distributing cilantro and green onions

around the neighborhood

talking to friends

in the evening air

on balconies

kicking soccerballs with the boys

while the girls played barbie

watching bruce lee films

on reruns during weekends

dancing to music

in our tiny living room

singing our talents

to deserving guests like

grandpa santa

watching my father

leave for work every

morning at 6:00

before the sun rose,

only to see him at night

too exhausted to play,

but always ready to help

with homework

a world away

weekend drives to bourges,

singing "un kilometre a l'heure,

ca use, ca use,

un kilometre a l'heure

ca use les souliers."

visiting grandma, grandpa,

uncles, aunts, and cousins

clipping my grandma's toes

sweeping their kitchen floors,

memorizing french songs and

poetry

playing with friends

in the woodhouse

when days were too short

wishing we were older

to drive, to cook, to travel,

to do what we wanted to do

oblivious of the growing pains