it's 1:11 am. just got back from prepping the funeral home for my grandpa's funeral - my mom's dad - with my parents, aunties and nainai.
the start of a long weekend. we will be with the family until monday. remembering his life. reconnecting with family members. sharing grief & loss. and reminding myself how fragile life is.
most importantly, just making sure that i'm there for my mom and her siblings - helping where i can, so that they can have time to mourn and share their stories.. fill the hole in their hearts with warmth from others' love. hoping that their memories of grandpa will ease the pain.
as for me, it'll be about ensuring that my grandfather has an honorable departure to start his next journey. i regret many a-things.. like not knowing him more personally. not having the chance to ever sit with him and talk. not having a vivid memory of him that i could share with my daughter or my cousins.. or my siblings. my life with grandpa in it is a blur that i struggle to retrieve. sadly.
yet, i feel the love my mom hold so dearly for him -- and i understand that this man was loved once - and that this man was my mom's caretaker, her protector, her role model, her father. and my heart aches thinking about how it must feel to lose my own father. so i understand.
this weekend - is my last chance to tell my grandfather - that although we did not get the chance to acquaint each other as much as we could have, i know that we carry the same bloodline, we come from the same roots & family - i hope he knows that we all love him and only wish for him to have a safe trip to his heaven.
with all my love, grandpa. may you rest in peace.
It was so nice spending the weekend with you. I think that was the most we've spent together in a long time :) Let's not wait until the next funeral. Thanks for all your help this weekend.
ReplyDeleteI too wished I had known him better.
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