absent, yet present

been gone from this site.
haven't had time to contribute much thought
or insight

yet, been more intentional than ever
to spend time with my daughter
before petit pois makes her arrival.

i know nai is excited, and nervous
loving the possibilities of what sibling love could be like
yet fearing to share her parents' love

my focus: spend the spring and summer with my oldest
as we learn to adjust to another miraculous gift - another
family member - another branch added to our family tree. :)

counting down the weeks.
12 more to go.

wish me luck.

since last post: mimi & nory became parents to little miss peyton.
and as i'm writing this, maimai and anesh are awaiting the arrival
of their little boy. it'll be a long night.

one word as i close this post: blessed.

and....

it's a girl.
nai is insisting on "helena" or "halayna"
we are thrilled.
excited.
and cant' wait to meet her.

she's a shaker. :)

little pea

un petit pois.
on its way
in mid-may.

m.i.a. feels good

being gone for a while
is a good thing.

feeling blessed.

created on june 11

"lately"

you gain some you lose some

that's how i've been feeling

been present at events where i learn about issues i care about

been absent at home where i don't know what my love is thinking

or what my daughter is fearing

been lining myself up to expand my professional network in

communities of color, by attending workshops, trainings, and

committees to reflect, dialogue, strategically plan actions for

change.

been absent to see my daughter wake up in the morning,

see her eat, see her laugh, see her learn, see her teach me

about the things she wonders about

been oblivious to the conversations that love instigates

to show concerns, care, and steps to move forward

been thinking about the efforts i put forth to show love,

comments that i say that hurt more than make a point,

actions i do that speak what i don't say and

are not connected to the intentions in my heart.

uncertain about my courage most times,

as fear overwhelms my thoughts at night

at day, at work, at home

all stirring my heart towards a deeper purpose,

that still scares me.

all reminding me of truths and lies

community

family

self

which one comes first?

32 years and 1 week old.

spent my birth day at home.
painting, giggling, cooking, baking, relaxing, reflecting.. and chatting with my daughter.

this past year reminded me how fragile life is.

this coming year, i will:
*make people i love and care about - my priority. other "things" can wait.
*hit reset - and start at setting goals that align with the dreams in my heart.
*be nicer to my body and my soul.
*have more fun.

i just realized that i am 32 just once in my life.
live in all of it.

full weekends

since the last post: a funeral, a concert, a wedding.

funeral for an uncle - tong seng yang. 4 days long. full house at legacy. nyab duties: food prep, cook, set up, serve, repeat.

concert in chicago - lilith fair 2010. 7 women. road trip madness. inside jokes & memories. moved to tears by mary j blige's energy & lyrics, then felt life came full circle when sarah mclachlan sang "sweet surrender".. my year's top life-shifting moment,thus far.

wedding - my youngest sister is getting married to her high school sweetheart. my parents dealing with an "empty nest". celebrating with a feast this weekend & pouring all my love in this one.

life at full speed. helmet on.