created on june 11

"lately"

you gain some you lose some

that's how i've been feeling

been present at events where i learn about issues i care about

been absent at home where i don't know what my love is thinking

or what my daughter is fearing

been lining myself up to expand my professional network in

communities of color, by attending workshops, trainings, and

committees to reflect, dialogue, strategically plan actions for

change.

been absent to see my daughter wake up in the morning,

see her eat, see her laugh, see her learn, see her teach me

about the things she wonders about

been oblivious to the conversations that love instigates

to show concerns, care, and steps to move forward

been thinking about the efforts i put forth to show love,

comments that i say that hurt more than make a point,

actions i do that speak what i don't say and

are not connected to the intentions in my heart.

uncertain about my courage most times,

as fear overwhelms my thoughts at night

at day, at work, at home

all stirring my heart towards a deeper purpose,

that still scares me.

all reminding me of truths and lies

community

family

self

which one comes first?

32 years and 1 week old.

spent my birth day at home.
painting, giggling, cooking, baking, relaxing, reflecting.. and chatting with my daughter.

this past year reminded me how fragile life is.

this coming year, i will:
*make people i love and care about - my priority. other "things" can wait.
*hit reset - and start at setting goals that align with the dreams in my heart.
*be nicer to my body and my soul.
*have more fun.

i just realized that i am 32 just once in my life.
live in all of it.

full weekends

since the last post: a funeral, a concert, a wedding.

funeral for an uncle - tong seng yang. 4 days long. full house at legacy. nyab duties: food prep, cook, set up, serve, repeat.

concert in chicago - lilith fair 2010. 7 women. road trip madness. inside jokes & memories. moved to tears by mary j blige's energy & lyrics, then felt life came full circle when sarah mclachlan sang "sweet surrender".. my year's top life-shifting moment,thus far.

wedding - my youngest sister is getting married to her high school sweetheart. my parents dealing with an "empty nest". celebrating with a feast this weekend & pouring all my love in this one.

life at full speed. helmet on.

moving

life just keeps on moving
things are a-changing
trying to grasp a little of what i can
while i can

speak for my heart

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

We acquire the strength we have overcome. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~Jan Glidewell

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.-- Helen Keller

Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.-- Gary Zukav

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.-- Lewis B. Smedes

Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.-- Buddha

The soul is healed by being with children.-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Amen.

june 24th

when this presentation and class that i've been intensely working on will end.

when my summer will finally start.
when i'll be able to focus more on my house,
my yard, my sleep,
my nainai.

when i'll be able to start enjoying life
a little more.

yeepie.

a little distressed

been thinking about control.

how much control
or little control
i have on my life,
or the next curve
that takes me for a spin.

control
the urge to keep it
still in my hands